I held on to this post because I knew I would want to re-visit it before I actually posted it so I can make ammendments. The thing is, there is not a lot that has changed. I have moved on with life, that is for sure. My exams start tomorrow so I am studying for those and I will officially be finished school on April 23 at 6:30pm (my last exam is from 4:30 to 6:30. This is something to celebrate. Kinda scary too because now I can't hide behind school for all my excuses, I actually need to get out there and find me a full time job! WOOOHOO!!!!!!!!!
The feelings have not changed, but they are more tolerable. I guess you can compare it to a paper cut, hurts like hell when you get one and it keeps on being annoying until it heals.
Rumors are already flying that CCAA will not do much better this month. Roooolllllllllling with the punches is my motto now :-)
I am including this picture of a ladybug that was munching on my salad. Kinda gross now that I think about it.

This was written on April 5, 2007

O.k. so I was going to post about our 9 month LID anniversary, but now I am thinking what's the use. I think I need to backup just a little....... why the bad mood on my part when I am often a cheerful nothing can get me down person. I will tell you why! Rumor has it that CCAA (china ceter of Adoption Affairs) has only gotten through 2 days of LID's this month. Last month they were finished up to October 24, 2005, now it is looking like this month of referrals they are only going to be finished referrals for up to Ocober 26 2005!!!!!!!!! that is only 2 days!!!!!!!! thats it!! It took CCAA 32 days (that is how long it has been since last batch of referrals) of "matching" to get through 2 days worth of LID's. We may be lucky to be going to China in 2010 at this rate! I wouldn't be so upset if CCAA would come out with a statement saying why it is taking so long, but the fact is, they are really closed liped about the whole thing and not telling agencies anything. As it their right... Doesn't mean I have to like it.
Days like this I can't be posative about our adoption, I can NOT see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel! Maybe it would have been freaking faster going the domestic route after all. We were told that the domestic route would be a 3 to 5 year wait, well my friends that is what we are looking at now anyways! I have to remind myself that we didn't choose China for the time frame, but for the predictability. I am not going to say "why me" because I have been through that already like 20 years ago when I first found out about my infertility.
It hurts really bad that Joel's best friend is expecting their 2nd child in September, they were not pregnant with their first when we started this adoption process!!! (I honestly really am happy for them, Blake is a cutie pie and I love her to bits and I can't wait to meet the new little one.) I am speaking out of frustration.
I don't want to hear "be patient, it is going to happen, and this wait will seem like nothing when you get your referral picture"! because right now I probably will tell that person to f$% off. Let me vent, let me be angry, I can't pretend anymore to be happy!!!!!
I don't think I will post this until Monday when I know the facts for sure. I apologize for the use of the language, but shit, damn, I am pissed!
Thanks for letting me vent.
P

It is a true fact that yes indeed CCAA only got through 2 days of referrals this month. What to do next remains to be seen.